Look at me!

I have discovered a rather disturbing aspect of my personality. I seem to want to be noticed. I want to have praise lavished on my every accomplishment. Evidently I have never gotten past the three year old's need to be the center of attention.

This seems a bit out of kilter for a person who is shy and rather anti-social. In a crowd I prefer to hide in the shadows and not be seen by anyone. When I meet new people I find it difficult to make eye contact, and the conversation is awkward at best.

Yet when I'm not face to face with anyone, I want my e-mails, my comments, my blogs to be acknowledged, preferably favorably. I don't take criticism well. When I don't get any responses, I feel ignored and somewhat hurt, and frankly that bothers me. I shouldn't care if anyone, or no one makes a fuss over what I've said or done! Yet I do, in a rather perverse sort of way.

I shouldn't need to be noticed. If I were where I should be, especially as a Christian, I would not want my light to shine, but rather, I would want Jesus to shine through me. He should be seen more than I.